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Burnout, exhaustion and loss of meaning in life are constant companions of the pursuit of success, in which each of us both wins and loses. This autobiographical story is about finding one's own life balance. The author shares his memories of his Soviet childhood, the student nineties, entrepreneurship and zero-sum startups. About acceleration and burnout, hopelessness in earning a living and finding oneself in social and ecological educational projects. Introduces the reader to slowing down, downshifting and eco-settlement. The book is intended for those who need change and are looking for new life routes.